Selling a Home During a Separation or Divorce

Who you marry and buying a home are two of the biggest decisions anyone can ever make in life. So when a separation or divorce leads to selling the home, it is rarely just another sale. Here is what makes it different, and what I believe the agent should be handling.

Why This Sale Is Different

A separation or divorce that results in selling a home, plus other assets, can be much more complicated than a typical sale. There are three kinds of considerations happening at the same time:

• Financial. The home is often the largest thing a couple owns together. There may be a mortgage to pay off, equity to divide and other assets in the same conversation.
• Emotional. This home likely shares many good and bad memories.
• Relational. Two people who are separating still have to make a series of decisions together: the price, the timing, repairs, showings and which offer to accept.

In most sales, one household is pulling in one direction. Here, two people are each planning a different path forward, and the sale has to work for both of them.

The Agent Should Be Unbiased, and Often Mutually Chosen

The agent in this situation should be an unbiased professional, and oftentimes one that both of the separating people chose together. That way all interests are being heard. When both people had a say in picking the agent, it is easier for each of them to trust the advice they get.

Who has the authority to list the home, sign paperwork and accept an offer can depend on how the home is titled, on the divorce or separation agreement and sometimes on a court order. Those rules differ by state, so that part belongs with each person's attorney. The agent's job is to run the sale, not to decide who gets what.

Why Many Agents Want Both People in the Room

Many agents do not like to have conversations unless both parties are present. There is a thin line of trust that can easily be broken if one side feels the agent is serving the other to a higher degree.

In practice, that can look like:

• Holding calls and meetings with both people present.
• Sending the same updates to both people at the same time, in writing.
• Sharing every offer, counteroffer and showing note with both sides.

None of that is about being cold. It protects both people, and it protects the agent's ability to keep helping both of them.

Over-Communicate, and Lead With Grace

Over-communication and approaching the situation with grace are important for the real estate agent. People going through a separation are carrying a lot, and the home sale is only one piece of it. A good agent does not take sides, does not rush anyone through a hard moment, and does not assume silence means agreement. They check in, explain what happens next and give both people time to respond.

Put All the Numbers and Options on the Table

The agent should present all the numbers and multiple options so the two people can decide what best suits their path forward. That means showing both of them the same picture: what the home could sell for, what is still owed on the mortgage, the expected costs of selling and what would be left to divide.

It also means laying out more than one way forward. Depending on the situation, that could include selling now, one person buying out the other, or holding the home for a period of time before selling. Which option makes sense, and how any money is divided, is a decision for the two people and their attorneys, not the agent. The agent's role is to make sure the numbers behind each option are clear.

Bring In the Right Help

The big thing is continuing to bring in the help and resources that will move the transaction along as smoothly as possible. Depending on the situation, that can include each person's attorney, a mediator, a mortgage lender if one person is looking at a buyout or a new home, and a tax professional. Contractors, cleaners and movers matter too when two people are moving out of one home.

A good agent knows when to hand a question to someone better qualified and keeps the sale moving in the meantime. That is a large part of what makes a hard season a little easier.

If a relationship with your agent is not working during a sale like this, here is what to do when your agent isn't the right fit. For more on homes that carry family history, read When Selling Grandma's House Makes Sense, and for what to ask before you choose someone, see Questions to Ask a Real Estate Agent on the First Call.

If you are facing a sale like this and want an experienced agent who will handle it with care, start at findablackagent.com.